Older

I hope the world doesn't think you have to be an active Christian to think the music scene has become just too much. I'm spiritual and I believe in God but I don't attend church (although I am contemplating starting). I didn't even watch the Grammys but I have heard enough to realize it's probably better I did not. The older I get and the more daughters I raise the less I like what I see. It is a big part of why I want to homeschool Autumn. Lately she comes home and doesn't talk about what she learns but about who said what, who she is fighting with, who she gets along with, who is wearing what, and the music she hears on the radio. I'm pretty open minded when it comes to music and I realize I can't shelter her from the world. But I want to teach her different values. Values that include kindness, respect, an appreciation for learning, and the value of the truth amongst others. Lately, I feel those things slipping away some. Part of it is likely growing up, part of it is I don't always have enough time for her, and part of it is that she goes to school in a world that does not necessarily value those same things. We've always had such high hopes and dreams for Autumn and I get so scared that she's going to walk the difficult path as well. It was so hard with Julia. I still love Julia but man I don't want to have to go through that again. Every day that passes I am more and more sure that homeschooling Autumn is the right decision.

Done

Finished my paper for my current class tonight. Thank goodness. I am just soooo off school right now. I feel like I have been going forever and I just desperately want a break that I cannot take at this point. I'll live, only four more classes to go and then I am done. Really all I want to do is spend time with the kids, actually enjoy some of my hobbies, and not feel the pressure of a deadline looming over me. I've been a bit rebellious and petulant about it this class and I paid for it. We will see if I get the B I need to get credit for the class. It's going to be a tough call.

So I am having back surgery on the 14th. Dr.Jackson says my odds are 50-50 that it helps but I have to do something. Sometimes the pain is just so intense and I am incredibly tired of it interfering with my life. Driving is painful and staying in the house drives me batty. Of course, it has been so insanely cold that we really don't go out much anyway. And the snow just keeps coming. Luckily, the van seems to be taking it all in stride which is a relief. While on that subject, we received our most recent Toyota statement and we only have a little over $1500 left on it. Which reminds me I need to set up that conference call to get the payoff balance. I'd rather have Tim handle that one. I'll have to see if I can find the letter.

Well that's all for tonight.

Sooo Done

I am so done with this whole herniated disc issue. I feel like it is taking over my life. I drove to the store yesterday and picked up a few groceries. I was gone maybe an hour and a half and by time I got home I was in an excessive amount of pain. I laid in the middle of the flour of the baby's bedroom squeezing a teddy bear every time the pain shot through me. On the up side my surgeon appointment is Monday. On the down side of this, after eight months of this I feel like I see a light at the end of the tunnel that spells surgery. But I would gladly take surgery if it would finally end this.

I have made tremendous progress in my research for Autumn's homeschooling and am starting to zero in on a few curriculum choices for each subject. I am so looking forward to this experience although I may be singing a different tune this time next year. The first year is always the hardest.

Unfortunately, I am lacking motivation in my class in which my research paper is due in a week. I am the most behind in my research for this class that I have ever been in a class. I am just tired. I have been in school for 7 years without any really significant breaks. I am ready to have a little time in my life to read other things and work on crafts and hobbies. Along with just relaxing sometimes. I'll pull it off though since it's a subject I know fairly well off the cuff. And then only 4 more classes to go and then done-May of next year.

Starting

It is always hardest to start new things. I have been thinking about starting a blog for a while but just have not done it. But today I decided to stop contemplating and do it. It could be good for me to have somewhere to jot down random thoughts about things. It's not as if I have so many places to go to with those. I love my husband dearly but he is my husband and there are things that run through my head that I don't always want to share. At least, maybe not until I let them percolate for a bit.